Bottle of Tears

The last two days have only been one Kleenex kind of days!  This is a huge praise considering the days I was having.

Mason:  Are you crying again?

Me:  No

Mason:  I know you’re crying.

I’ve cried so much, my tear ducts might be empty at this point.  I’ve thought of Psalm 56:8 from a fresh perspective.  I’m guessing God needed a bigger bottle after this week.  I’ll never forget driving on 291 where it crosses over I-35 and crying so hard that I could barely see to drive.  I felt so heavy with pain that I visualized the bridge collapsing as I drove over it.  I didn’t even feel it coming on and there was no way I could stop.  It was the kind of crying that uses your entire body and the wails come from deep inside you.  I can still hear how it sounded.  Excruciating.  I realized in that moment that I hadn’t felt that way since my grandpa passed away unexpectedly back in 2001.  I was grieving.  It feels silly to grieve someone who isn’t gone.

tear bottle

We know that God’s Word is true and His promises are always kept.

His love for us indescribable.

Right now, I am focusing on taking it one day at a time and each day this new truth is sinking in a little bit more.  I feel like a have a track playing in the background at all times.  My son has cancer.  My family is fighting cancer.  It’s what I think of first thing each morning as I wake up.  It’s where my mind goes when I can’t focus.  It’s always there.  But, I try not to linger there when I’m overcome with these words, but to pray in it’s place.  Sometimes the prayer sounds more like pleading with God and other times I’m able to to be truly grateful.  I know God has something for us in this and I don’t want to miss it.

Next Steps:

Friday, January 22:  Radiology visit – Chest CT and Full Body Bone Scan

Our biggest prayer request right now is for the cancer to be isolated in his leg only and not have metastasized elsewhere.  Please pray!!!

Monday, January 25:  Meet new Pediatric Oncologist and find out results of Friday’s scans.

Thursday, January 28:  Remove cast #1 and hopefully schedule a date for surgery #2.  Mason will still be on crutches, but will hopefully have at least a week of being cast free and able to take a bath.

We are still waiting to schedule the appointment with the vascular surgeon.

P.S.  I’m not quite so explosive these days.  I made it through church on Sunday quite well and our family felt surrounded by love and prayers.  A friend stepped up and offered to set up a prayer calendar for Mason and our family as well as a meal sign-up for those who want to help in that way.  She didn’t ask me any hard questions and told me I needed to just say yes.  It was breath of fresh air.  I sit with Mason each night and we look at all of the people who have committed to praying for us throughout the day.  I can’t tell you how much goodness there is in reading the names and knowing they are going before God on our behalf.  It puts a big smile on Mason’s face.  We are so grateful for everything!

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