We Enter the Unknown

How’s this for destined fate? I work in a pregnancy center. It’s an amazing Christian ministry. When I say amazing, I mean The Holy Spirit is evident within those walls each and every day. I mean I will truly never forget the first time I walked into this tiny brick building and physically felt God ushering me in amongst the goodness of His love and grace that abounds there. Young girls and middle-aged women and everyone in between walk through our doors. Most are hurting and feeling hopeless. Many are seeking an abortion and hoping to leave our clinic having taken care of the “inconvenience” they’ve found growing inside of them. But this is not what we do. Instead, we pray. We pray fervently that God will orchestrate whatever needed to get these girls through our doors, especially the girls who want to kill their babies. We pray that when our mouths open to speak to our clients (and their boyfriends, husbands, moms, dads, and friends), The Holy Spirit gives us words that flow out and meet them exactly where they are. We pray that when we show them kindness, love, and grace that they realize there is something different about us. We pray that our words and actions constantly bring glory to God. We pray that when these mothers see their baby’s heartbeat for the very first time, they instantly fall in love with the miracle growing inside them. We pray that they understand that God has created this tiny human being for a divine purpose and that our God never makes mistakes. This is what we do each day. We work through the awkward spaces of begging girls to love their babies enough to parent them or let someone else parent them.

As a momma who has wanted to be a momma my entire life, I’m angry. I find myself pleading with God to spare my baby. Knowing how easily others give up their babies and being reminded of it each day is hard. I’m terrified.

Each phone call or doctor appointment tends to be worse news than the one before. Our heads are spinning attempting to understand what we are hearing. Monday’s MRI revealed there is for sure a 2nd tumor. The cells in this tumor appear to be the same as the 1st tumor, which was diagnosed as a low grade intramedullary well-differentiated osteosarcoma. The problem now is that this just doesn’t happen. There are no known cases of someone with this diagnosis having a 2nd spot in another bone. There are cases of this showing up again in the same bone or the lungs. This has confused the growing team of doctors working on his case. This may mean that the original diagnosis was false. All new information is being sent to the leading osteosarcoma pathologist in the country (the same one who made the original diagnosis). Dr. Rosenthal was honest enough to let us know how perplexed he is in all of this. He seemed excited to tackle this and figure out the best treatment. We are not sure whether to be happy that Mason’s case seems to be beyond rare and prioritized or to be devastated that there is so much in question.

Chemotherapy is still on the table as are multiple surgeries. It was even brought up today that he may need a prosthetic hip joint that would grow with him. Can you even imagine how much that would cost?

Mason is still so positive. He continues to giggle and make us all laugh. He has started asking a few more questions, but quickly moves on to his normal life. He wants nothing more than to feel normal. The cast finally came off today and he got to wear both shoes for the first time in almost 7 weeks. He is still on crutches and can very gradually begin bearing weight. This is bittersweet because today was supposed to be somewhat of an end to this journey in the original plan. But, we continue to trust that God has big plans for our strong boy.

The next steps that we know for sure are:

Monday – Meet the vascular surgeon and have arteriogram done.
Thursday – PET scans to scan all soft tissue in his body for the appearance of cancer.

Please continue to pray for wisdom, strength, patience and healing. Pray for miracles.

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5 thoughts on “We Enter the Unknown

  1. So cute. He’s so ridiculously cute. The kids’ devotional this morning was on Proverbs 3:5-6. We talked about Mason when we focused on “do not lean on your own understanding” – there is no understanding why or what is ahead – but we know God is good and we can trust him. Thank you for continuing to share. 💙

    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
    ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭ESV‬‬
    http://bible.com/59/pro.3.5-6.esv

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  2. Amy,
    I want you to know I am reading this and praying for you. One thing I learned when I went through cancer and all the tests and all the waiting was that with every test there is a good chance of a false positive. I remember my month of hell- going through yet another test because of what became a false positive. So, as hard as all this is I always pray for false positives for people I know who have received not so good news. Take care of yourself and your family.
    Love,
    Kathi

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  3. I have been thinking about you all day and praying. Yesterday God gave me a thought and I wanted to tell you. You have selfishly fought for the unborn. God is going to fight for your boy, Mason! Once when I was very sick, God told my Mom…”remember, I love her more than you do.” God loves Mason so much! He is fearfully and wonderfully made. I can’t even fathom how terrified and angry you are. You know me, I would be beyond pissed! I just want you to know that I am praying for you. You don’t have to be strong. You don’t have to be kind. You don’t have to be all Jesusy. (my own word) Be yourself. Let it all hang out. Love you!!

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  4. I bet it felt great to get that cast off! Now he can finally scratch his leg;) Your minds have to be spinning with all this info. Chemo, hip replacement to misdiagnosis! Wow. Well I’m hoping and praying for the last one! The doctors are doing their best to figure it out. Praying God gives them wisdom & peace to you to know which steps to take & how to proceed. Thank you for sharing your heart & journey! Know that you are not walking it alone! Gina

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  5. I certainly don’t blame you for feeling angry. Your “baby” is a particularly spectacular one. He is absolutely wonderful! I’m praying that God will give his doctors’ wisdom, that the interventions will be 100% effective, and that you all will be able to feel some peace of mind. Sending my love and hugs to each of you.
    Becky

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